I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
