nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
