what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
