Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
