dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
