took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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