she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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