I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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