Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
