there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
