nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
