if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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