VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
