**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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