Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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