I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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