We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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