Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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