the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
