Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
