Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
