i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
