Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
