yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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