so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
