My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
