If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
