I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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