the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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