I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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