They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
