my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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