I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You know, be my cock's hype man.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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