Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
