mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
