I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
COCAINE IS GR8
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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