I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
