my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
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They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
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You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dick very happy bro
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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