Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
