On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
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I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.