What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned