I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
only if we run a train.
done.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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