Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
