I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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