On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do vagina's smell?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
