Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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