I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
A bitchslap is in order.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
