hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
