everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
