How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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