my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
