Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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