I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
