Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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