Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?