I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.