Texts From Last Night

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  (419): View more from Ohio

  mustard is like jesus in yellow tights

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  (419): mustard is like jesus in yellow tights http://tfl.nu/uvec
  Replies (9) Good night (1520) Bad night (729)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.

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  (936): My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today. http://tfl.nu/sil6
  Replies (10) Good night (10912) Bad night (723)
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  (323): View more from California

  I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.

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  (323): I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache. http://tfl.nu/t0k5
  Replies (13) Good night (5816) Bad night (719)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.

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  (404): I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life. http://tfl.nu/huxl
  Replies (168) Good night (5959) Bad night (6781)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??

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  (256): There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night?? http://tfl.nu/8e78
  Replies (33) Good night (952) Bad night (2739)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.

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  (774): well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday. http://tfl.nu/vkd1
  Replies (5) Good night (6015) Bad night (1246)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?

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  (864): I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me? http://tfl.nu/6foj
  Replies (4) Good night (4534) Bad night (1001)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.

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  (484): her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird. http://tfl.nu/16ps
  Replies (15) Good night (4412) Bad night (1321)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.

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  (540): Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good. http://tfl.nu/d8mv
  Replies (5) Good night (2013) Bad night (853)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?

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  (318): So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt? http://tfl.nu/a1yi
  Replies (6) Good night (1396) Bad night (803)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?

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  (828): Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis? http://tfl.nu/tjmy
  Replies (12) Good night (937) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  You said dick pics aren't attractive

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3

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  (240): You said dick pics aren't attractive (301): Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3 http://tfl.nu/0mk5
  Replies (4) Good night (1115) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering

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  (856): I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering http://tfl.nu/ry4c
  Replies (7) Good night (579) Bad night (339)
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  (510): View more from California

  I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...

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  (510): I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high... http://tfl.nu/gsz5
  Replies (0) Good night (469) Bad night (297)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself

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  (570): This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself http://tfl.nu/5o6a
  Replies (0) Good night (276) Bad night (593)

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