I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
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she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
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do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito