I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
