If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba