Texts From Last Night

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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up

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  (647): I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up http://tfl.nu/4ijk
  Replies (10) Good night (631) Bad night (2889)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?

  (1-807): View more from Ontario

  Just flip the mattress, it erases all

  (807): View more from Ontario

  Done and done

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  (807): Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town? (1-807): Just flip the mattress, it erases all (807): Done and done http://tfl.nu/aezq
  Replies (100) Good night (2987) Bad night (7743)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while

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  (425): Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while http://tfl.nu/c37v
  Replies (15) Good night (4752) Bad night (1335)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.

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  (314): Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us. http://tfl.nu/5cyi
  Replies (12) Good night (6064) Bad night (1766)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.

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  (401): I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails. http://tfl.nu/8vyo
  Replies (10) Good night (3987) Bad night (1583)
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  (845): View more from New York

  i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out

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  (845): i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out http://tfl.nu/p8nx
  Replies (3) Good night (3061) Bad night (853)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.

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  (806): I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister. http://tfl.nu/4jvf
  Replies (15) Good night (4531) Bad night (1106)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.

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  (603): He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like. http://tfl.nu/awah
  Replies (8) Good night (1320) Bad night (2751)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best

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  (847): I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best http://tfl.nu/7i53
  Replies (7) Good night (2189) Bad night (1386)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.

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  (919): Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today. http://tfl.nu/hnp2
  Replies (12) Good night (6672) Bad night (942)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up

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  (270): Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up http://tfl.nu/1xaw
  Replies (3) Good night (1035) Bad night (620)
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  (914): View more from New York

  There is an alarming amount of urine in here.

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  (914): There is an alarming amount of urine in here. http://tfl.nu/rii0
  Replies (5) Good night (364) Bad night (818)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"

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  (214): I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night" http://tfl.nu/rblj
  Replies (0) Good night (384) Bad night (327)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.

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  (425): I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me. http://tfl.nu/601h
  Replies (5) Good night (356) Bad night (591)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that

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  (201): Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that http://tfl.nu/r5qw
  Replies (1) Good night (576) Bad night (368)

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