If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
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She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
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Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low