You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
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Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
These tits shall not be calmed