The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
