Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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