Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
