I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
