My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
