I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
