ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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