Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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