The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
